Category Archives: Breaking News

Really quick thoughts while watching CNN’s election coverage on mute in a sports pub

-First off: How does a country with 350 million people only have two choices and still consider itself  the world’s noble purveyor of democracy? “Hey America, you only get one drink for the next four years: Coke or Pepsi?” Seriously … Continue reading

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FAN, in all his wisdom

A collection of artifacts, unearthed by surface explorers during the last Terra Firma visit and recently decrypted by archeologists, have provided mankind with dizzying insight into the final days of our species on planet Earth. The documents were discovered buried … Continue reading

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Dick Cheney: From the Heart

From the recently-vacated chest of Dick Cheney: As you probably heard on the television news or read on the Internet, my time inside Dick Cheney came to an end today. I’ve pumped my last ventricles of blood through the man. … Continue reading

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BREAKING NEWS: World reacts to the loss of the orgasm

Orgasm vanishes Disappearance of “pleasure reward” spells grim future for human race: scientists by Herb Mathisen Post-Post Media Scientists from NASA’s Jet Propulsion lab in Pasadena, California are confirming what many around the world found out for themselves last night: … Continue reading

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